The beginning of the separation

Once again, my heart and mind flew me to Peru for another set of Ayahuasca ceremonies with further limits breaking. Only until the day before departure I wasn’t sure if I am going, and so, my preparation was a subtile, and as always you don’t have a slightest idea on what you have to prepare. One thing I was sure is my intentions for the ceremonies, which were simply healing. I even had an ambition to come back home without any bandages, but it wasn’t an expectation.
I was accompanied by my very good friend that felt the calling of Ayahuasca, so I didn’t travel alone, and after all the ceremonies we took a adventures trip around Peru.

Written by zmatija, published over 4 years ago.

The beginning of the separation

As now, I have a bit of experience with Aya and I was curious where it will take me, and how strong the experience will be, since last year it was a very mild and gentle therapy, and the year before it was a blockbuster movie in my head. After a few days in Lima we went to The Jungle, and a day later, the first ceremony was on schedule.

Somehow, it is if your mind predicts what is about to happen and starts worrying and thinking, and during the ceremony I was reminded of the last trip and I just honestly asked why I am so closed minded, and even scared of the process, because it was again a milled experience with me thinking all the time. Two days later on the second ceremony I got the most profound answer I could imagine, and so clear and effective that all my inner expectations and fears vanished. And the answer was simple, if I really want what my intention is, then I have to stay in my body and work together with Aya on healing, because she won't and can’t do it alone.

After that answer and me letting go, I started receiving information regarding my relationships, from family to emotional challenges, to past family broken links and the importance of being honest, connected and loving with everyone.
Third ceremony was a cleansing one, I purged and suet pored out of me, I saw how I am getting purified, it was a nice collaboration between me and Aya.

And then after a ceremony of Bobinsana, which is a gentle opening of the heart drink, fourth ceremony of Ayahuasca came. I felt something is going to happen, and after the Shaman gave me a full cup of the brew I knew that it will be a rough ride. It started very quickly, and so intensively that I started screaming. For a while I was struggling with finding a comfortable position, since I knew that I have to clear all my worries in order for the ceremony to go smooth. But there was a lot more then just getting comfortable, a found myself on the floor at some point, and in my mind there was an epic battle going on, and the battle was between me and EB.

Till that night I would always argue that I am ONE with EB, and that it was my past, or something beyond genes that is causing it, a blockage in energetic or even informational realms. And it is all that, but what I found out that night is that it has a soul of its own, it is an entity living on my account. And from that point forward it started to get more and more clear how I can recognize its behavior and what are its characteristics. The fourth ceremony I was fighting the mind of EB, which as much Aya pushed it and wanted to get me out of the body, my mind was struggling to stay inside, holding on to anything what it felt as a secure experience, emotion, symbol or any other illusion stored in my head.

I recognized at some point what is going on, but the power of my mind was so strong that I just couldn’t help Aya, and after the ceremony I was laying on the flour wet, exhausted, lost in space, in my mind that is still like a car without brakes still thinking and holding to the existence that was known. I still get insights from that night, and have a lot of work implementing the knowledge and the experience.

But the lesson didn’t end yet, there was one more Aya ceremony and one totally new experience of San Pedro cactus ceremony two days later. Last Aya was conducting in a celebration of everything we went thru in this cycle, a pleasant and loving night with magical energies and body sensations. I was a kind of disappointed that in the fourth ceremony I didn’t go thru, but as time passes I am more and more thankful for that experience. One think that was also new is a feeling that my disease was angry at my attempt of diminishing it, so I kind of felt that the rest of the trip might get a bit challenging, as if EB is trying to get revenge.

There were two days of rest, and the San Pedro came on schedule. It is a sacred brew used in Peru for ages, and the ceremonies and the whole ritual is quite different from Aya, but still deeply profound and useful. It has a lot of healing power in it as well, so I had to try it, since I am at the right place for it. Ceremonies are conducted at noon, and we go on a little excursion to experience the effects the best way. I wasn’t really happy about moving somewhere during a psychedelic experience which I had no idea what the effects are, but I went with the rest of the crew.

This ceremony was all about water, so we went on a boat ride to the Amazon river, and for a visit to local tribe. The whole night before rain was poring and when we came at the start of the path that led to the tribe I was uncomfortably surprised! It was a local small narrow path in the mud, and it was a 45 minute walk thru jungle, with small bridges made of logs, uphill and down hill. As almost always I didn’t turn around, I went thru it, and after I came to that small village in the middle of jungle I was very happy that I made it, my face was red as tomato, and I was exhausted.

After I cooled of with a fresh lemonade and fruits, I started feeling the effects of San Pedro, and soon got the answer why we had to go to that remote tribe. For the first time I felt an amazing and profound connection with surrounding jungle, as I felt Earths whole history, and how peaceful and full of wisdom nature is. After a few hours wondering in the jungle we headed back to our boats, and amazingly the whole trip back felt like it was a 5 minute walk, so I was the happiest guy out there when I saw the end of that muddy path.

On the boat ride back, we experienced the most amazing sunset ever, with red clouds, three rainbows and bird that was flying for ten minutes beside our boat! When we came back to the sanctuary we had a nice big dinner and then went to the ceremonial space to meditate. There I again got the feeling of separation between me and EB, and it was a encouraging feeing after all that I went thru that day, and since I started the Peru expedition.

Two days later our spiritual journey ended and we went back to Lima, where we stayed one night. There we figured our rough plan for next two weeks that I had left until my flight back. From the intensity of last two weeks experiences we wanted to find a nice and relaxing place, to settle a bit, get a rest and contemplate, but I felt it there and knew that challenges are just beginning.

We went in direction of Cusco, every second day we changed towns and tourist places, we used local buses and taxi and slept in cheapest hostels. As like this wasn’t challenging enough for me, the process of cleansing started with diarrhea as soon as we started the trip south, I had a wound on my heel, and on my left hand fingers which I mostly use. So, these two weeks were far from pleasant and comfortable, But now, after everything is over I am very happy that I went thru it, I didn’t miss anything, I went everywhere and saw amazing stuff. I pushed my limits far far away, and experienced a taste of freedom which I never imagined! Of course, I was the happiest man alive when I landed on Zagreb airport and came back home, to my family and friends and customs that I am used to.

But I landed with tremendous new experience, and a big obligation to implement new insights that I have been given, and those challenges in Peru where just a fraction of what is ahead, because Aya doesn’t just work during the ceremony, it is with you regardless of time and space!!

Written by zmatija, published over 4 years ago.

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